A person can change, but only in one case.

When I was getting out of a bad relationship, I held on to it mentally for a long time. I mean, I knew it wouldn't work, but I still thought I could fix something.

When the fog of euphoria cleared, I began to see all the psychological characteristics of the other person. I had always known them deep down, but, like most of us, I was sure that love can do anything, that a person can change.

I was looking for articles on the topic of addictions, character accentuations, the nature of infantilism and manipulation, and so on and so forth. I would throw them on my page and show them to the person: "Here, look, here! This is what's going on! Everything is arranged in you like this, like this, and like this!"

Guess what I got in response? That's right, aggression and "I'm a fool myself." And what did you expect? What you point your finger at hurts. All special patterns of behavior are psychological defenses against mental wounds. These are behavioral strategies developed over the years that allow us to exist relatively comfortably in the world without being integral individuals.

Now I can say with confidence that a person can change. A person really can change. But only in one case (read carefully!) - WHEN HE WANTS IT.

You probably think that you will become that motivator for whom, for the sake of whom, in spite of whom your loved one will want to change? Don't flatter yourself. Your influence is no greater than the weather outside. They may adapt to you, take an umbrella in case of bad weather, but to change their beliefs, and even more so - the structure of their personality - for the sake of clouds outside the window... Are you in your right mind?

Now, if a person suddenly stops being happy with the fact that he feels sad when it rains, and suffers in the heat... When he himself gets tired of being deeply unhappy, unsuccessful, that life is not going the way he wants, or something else... Or, God knows, he gets an epiphany in a dream that “I’m living a shitty life somehow”... Then everything is possible.

But you will already be far from the epicenter of the explosion... And it would be better for you to be further away, so as not to be covered by the blast wave... Because to admit that "I myself was the cause of everything in my life" is a very difficult test. As a rule, the cause of failures is assigned to the one who is nearby... Or was nearby... For now, that person will go a long way to understanding with whom everything begins in our life... If he wants to go...

Donald Walsh wrote that “the best thing we can do for a person in love is to give them a large portion of ourselves.” This is not anger, not revenge, not “look at how you’ll be without me.” It is a calm conviction that each person has the right to be who and to be with what they have in themselves. Even the fact that you are temporarily (and it is always temporary) in a couple does not give you the right to change the other person.

We are responsible only for ourselves. We are born separately from each other and will leave on our own. Each of us has our own life and purpose.

Your will extends only to your life. And do not pretend to be the Lord, thinking that you have the right to influence the fate of another person. Leave the other person alone, take care of yourself.

Psychologists have a principle - not to solve a client's problems without a request. Well, actually, without a request, he has not yet become a client. Therefore, you should follow this golden rule of the universe: do not interfere where you are not asked. I emphasize that an adult, mentally healthy (and you are not the one to judge his health) person is able to sort out his problems or ask for help if he cannot solve them.

Become the creator of your own destiny - this is the best thing you can do in life. If someone needs to change around you, it will happen. You will become a motivator by the very fact of your realization. If another person is not attracted to your path, is not inspired, then that is great - he obviously has his own path. And those whose paths lie close to yours will walk next to you.

Source: http://www.adme.ru/svoboda-psihologiya/chelovek-mozhet-izmenitsya-no-tolko-v-odnom-sluchae-1100560/