A woman who has learned to respect herself cannot be manipulated.

If you start respecting what you do every day, this is what will change...

We are now in the age of degradation, and one of its characteristics is that motherhood has ceased to be honorable and respected. Unfortunately, the role of a mother is not considered important, special. This does not give a woman any advantages or respect. Unfortunately. On the contrary, it imposes a lot of responsibility and other people's expectations on her, deprives her of freedom, exhausts her, and so on.

Today, every mother can face insults out of the blue, tactless interventions by strangers, and ridicule (especially if she does not work). She will not have peace even at home – and many husbands take advantage of the vulnerability of their pregnant or newly-born wives, committing psychological and physical violence against them. Seeing this, children also stop respecting their mothers and allow themselves to use rude words, assault, and neglect them. Even parents who, it would seem, have gone through all this to one degree or another and should understand how difficult it is, can become a real stress for a young mother. With their nagging, mockery, ridicule, interventions, and disdainful statements.

And once upon a time, Mother's Day began with children bringing their prostrations to her in the morning (and this is in the Scriptures).

Once upon a time, any woman was respected in society simply because she was a mother – now or in the future. A mother was something pure, holy and inviolable for a person. Her requests and orders were carried out immediately. Even if she dropped them without thinking. When a young man left his teacher’s house (at about 25 years old), he received instructions, the first of which was: “Honor your mother as God.” Sounds like biblical commandments, right? It was a completely different time and completely different relationships.

Now we live in a world where only what can be sold is valued. That is why surrogate mothers are sometimes more respected in society than everyone else – at the very least, they were able to earn a good living from their nature. And motherhood has been devalued, and mothers have been removed from their honorable throne.

But do you know what the most terrible and destructive thing about all this is? We believed it ourselves. We allowed ourselves to be convinced that motherhood is nothing special. We ourselves do not feel respect for our work, and as a result, we allow others to treat us this way, sometimes even believing that they are right in some way. We ourselves sometimes feel guilty for the fact that we are “only” mothers, nothing more (although could there be anything more and more significant?).

We ourselves do not respect the maternal principle in ourselves, we shun it, suppress it for the sake of fashion, push it into the farthest corners of our personality.

Since childhood, we have observed what a mother can receive from society for her titanic work (for example, a huge modern allowance of 150 rubles per month for a child over one and a half years old), and we have taken note. We have formed our own picture of what will happen to me when I become a mother, and have drawn conclusions.

When I was little and heard someone speaking disrespectfully to my mother, everything inside me would clench into a lump. I was just a little child, but how painful it was to see my mother’s helplessness and defenselessness! And how offensive it was for her when someone allowed themselves to insult her or neglect her. I don’t know how my mother dealt with it herself – she probably simply learned not to notice many of these things. But little children’s eyes couldn’t help but notice. Neither my mother nor I could do anything about it. We just had to swallow it. It was firmly rooted in my head then that no one respects mothers. It seemed like there was nothing to respect them for, nothing special had been done, anyone could give birth.

When I became a mother myself, I realized what a job it really is. How difficult it is and how deprived this work is of any encouragement from the outside. No one will ever tell you that you are a good mother and doing something right. It is difficult to get praise, approval and support even from your close and dear ones, let alone strangers. But everyone will consider it their duty to correct here, adjust there, pounce with their accusations here.

If you breastfeed, you will hear that your milk is not too fatty if the child gains weight little by little, or that your milk is too fatty, look at how fat you have fed him. If you breastfeed after a year, you are raising a mama's boy. If you do not breastfeed, you are simply an incredibly lazy mother who deprives the child of the most important thing. In diapers, there will be no grandchildren. If you potty train, you are a fanatic. One thinks that the child is cold, and another that he is hot. If you toughen him up, you are a monster. If you do not toughen him up, you do not think about his health. You can go on forever. In the eyes of society, a mother is never right.

This is our reality. A multitude of demands hanging over our heads like the sword of Damocles, a multitude of reproaches and a barrage of criticism from all sides, the hum of other people's voices in which it is so difficult to hear your own.

And many young mothers write on forums about how they would like silence around them, so that no one would pressure them, so that they would be allowed to live their own life and raise their child the way they want. Even here we wait for some kind of permission from the outside, as if we have no right to make such decisions.

And then, almost thirty years old, and already with two children, I got to the holy place of India – Vrindavan. This town is special, because traditions have been preserved there, as much as possible. It used to be like that everywhere, but now even India has been degraded, and the attitude towards women has begun to change. But let's talk about Vrindavan, where there is still culture and respect for mothers.

Women are not allowed to work there, cows roam freely in the streets, as do small children. And every woman, regardless of age, is called "matadzhi", which in Russian is "mother". With respect, sometimes even reverence. And it doesn't matter that the seller who addresses you is twice your age. You are still "mother" to him. He sees the maternal principle in you, he respects it and thus expresses his respect.

Here, not a single man (despite the fact that this is India) will come up and touch you, flirt or make any dirty offers. The most he will do is show you attention, protect you from monkeys or provide some help (even if you don't ask).

Here on the back window of a car you can often see an inscription that translates as "Protection of women and respect for women is my duty and my honor." And there I believe it. Because I don't feel so safe anywhere, even if I'm walking down the street alone at night.

And if the tuk-tuk driver finds out that you are pregnant, he will transport you as if you were the greatest treasure in this world, avoiding all the bumps and losing speed, to the detriment of his own earnings (I was lucky to ride a couple of times with pregnant women).

They say that women in India are powerless and humiliated, but in Vrindavan I realized how powerless and humiliated we are, because we have become just tools to achieve goals and someone's toys. And most importantly, we have lost our self-respect. We have exchanged something very important, something that cannot be bought for any money, something that cannot be replaced by anything, for beautiful wrappers that are empty. We have come to believe that motherhood is worthless. And that a mother is not worthy of respect just because she is a mother.

And here I felt in full measure how wonderful and safe it is to be a mother. How much strength, energy and perspective there is in it.

When there is no goal to prove something to someone - for example, that you are not a hen, not a parasite and not lazy. Here everyone understands, accepts and respects this. Moreover, another - or rather, our - life is nonsense for them.

One Ayurvedic doctor there told me:

"If my wife worked, I wouldn't feel like a man. It would be my personal defeat if I handed my wife and the mother of my children over to the world to be torn apart. She's too good for all that."

This is how they treat women, mothers, in Vrindavan. And they walk with their heads held high, although their faces are covered by the loose end of their sari. Once I was riding in a tuk-tuk, which almost ran over - or rather, slightly pushed one mataji with its front wheel. A bunch of men came running, began to scold the hapless driver, simultaneously inquiring about her well-being. Although she, it seems, did not particularly notice and was not even afraid. She feels protected.

This is how mothers were treated not only in India, but in all traditional cultures. Christians revere the Virgin Mary more than any other woman, in Italy, where Catholicism is the strongest, mother is still a sacred word for everyone, Muslim men can move mountains for their mother, in Jewish families the purity of the family is determined by the mother, she is in a sense its head. But time goes by, culture and traditions are exchanged for a market economy, freedom in everything and equality. And we have what we have. We are forced to take care of ourselves, worry about tomorrow and constantly participate in some kind of survival race. And not just run, but also try to run first, to get respect. The very thing that is due to us at least because we are mothers. Present or future. All because we ourselves are not used to respecting ourselves.

Remember that the world is a huge mirror that reflects our own feelings and attitudes.

If you yourself begin to respect what you do every day (no matter how stupid and selfish it may seem), then a lot will change around you.

• If your husband drives you to work
• If he doesn't show gratitude for your work, only continuous reproaches
• If your grown-up children constantly offend you with words and deeds
• If people make fun of you and think you're a hen
• If your relatives call you lazy and a parasite
• If you hear contemptuous “she gave birth!” in queues

So, inside you lives exactly this feeling towards motherhood in general and yours in particular. Look into your heart and your head, and you will find the reason for all this. You do not respect yourself and allow yourself and your mission to be treated this way.

Where can we start to change this? You may not like the answer. Because you will have to first learn to respect your mother and your spouse's mother. Simply because they gave life to you and your loved one, raised you as best they could. Remove all claims against them, discontent and resentment. See the enormous amount of effort they put into each of you. Learn to be so grateful for this that when you meet them, you at least mentally want to bow to them. And along with this, you will notice how changes occur within you.

There is a wonderful practice of bows that helps develop this feeling in the soul. When you start and end each day with a real physical bow in front of your mothers' photos. And the bow is not simple, but long, conscious and deep. And so for at least 40 days. During this period, you will definitely feel changes inside yourself. And the next step after such work will happen by itself.

You will begin to treat yourself differently, because during this time you will develop the habit of noticing your mother’s work and treating it with respect.

There is much to say here, but it is better to try. It will change many things – both family relationships, and the attitude towards oneself, and even the attitude towards all other women in this world. We are all mothers in one way or another, this energy (unlike sexual) unites us and makes us stronger.

A woman who has learned to respect herself and has gained inner strength can no longer be manipulated, and it will be impossible to pressure her. All those who want to pour out their bile somewhere will pass by, having felt her inner strength (and believe me, maternal strength is millions of times stronger than ordinary female strength!). But all those who have love in their hearts will be naturally drawn to such a woman.

Is this "respect for mother" such a cheap and unnecessary, outdated and unmodern thing in the end? Or is it the foundation of foundations and the beginning of beginnings, the gate to a new, better life and a lifeboat from a sinking ship? Each of us will make our own choice.

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